Regarding Giving Advice

All behavior serves a positive intention.

We often find errors in the behavior of others. We see, hear, and feel them doing things that aren't good for them, and we try to give advice as to how they should behave instead.

Because we care about them, eventually we get to the point of demanding almost in a sense, that they change the behavior and their way of doing things. However, our advice-giving, as positive as our intention might be, rarely has any impact on that person's behavior.

So what are we doing wrong here? 

How can we go about this at a different angle?

The truth is, the behavior is working for them.

It is fulfilling some need.

It fulfills values.

The behavior gives them feelings they want to feel, or, on the contrasting side, helps them avoid feelings they don't want to feel.

A Different Approach

Because these behaviors are serving a purpose, it is important not to take them away.

Instead, replacing those behaviors with others that fulfill those same needs and values is the way to go.

1. Identify all of the feelings & values their current behavior is enabling them to feel or avoid feeling.

2. One by one, with each of these values, go through and ask how they might go about fulfilling those same values/feelings/needs in more constructive ways.

3. Sometimes, people need to learn from their own life experience, and all we can do is be patient; perhaps take a closer look at some of our own behaviors while we wait for them.